Well, the challenging Lenten season continues. It’s strange really because I didn’t enter the Lenten season very seriously. For the first time in over 20 years I didn’t attend an Ash Wednesday service. If I’m totally honest I’d tell you that if it weren’t for Facebook I might have forgotten it was Ash Wednesday.

Logging on to Facebook I couldn’t help but know it was Ash Wednesday. I saw so many people posting pictures of themselves with ashes on their foreheads. Nothing like social media to feed our narcissistic tendencies…even when it comes to our sin, right? No indictment intended, but I just find it ironic that we feel compelled to show the world our piety by posting selfies of ourselves being pious. But, I digress…

Anyway, I didn’t take Lent seriously, but the Holy Spirit has challenged me all season long. He has challenged me concerning my love for Jesus (click here), and thereby, my love for others. I’ll confess that I can’t grasp the love of God that loves a Venezuelan migrant murderer as much as a Georgia nursing student (see here). I’ll confess that I don’t know that I want to grasp it, and that scares the hell out of me!

What I do know is that I would fight tooth and nail if someone (anyone) hurt one of my daughters. One of us would die. I don’t know that I could forgive that. With time and the grace of God, maybe. Yet, forgiveness is what the Lord asks of us, and that’s an awfully big ask. The Holy Spirit and I have been talking about it. We’ve not settled the issue yet, but this is still Lent. Easter is coming…it can’t come soon enough.

Not only has He challenged me on my love for Him, but He’s also challenged the nature of my surrender. I know that I have, too often, chosen my own way in service to Him rather than being attentive to where He was actually calling me. I may even be living that circumstance today. Part of my prayer each day is “show me Your will so that I might walk in Your way.” I think what I really mean is “show me Your will and I’ll choose whether to walk in Your way.”

The question He challenges me with is, “Are you surrendered?” I like to believe I am, but Him even asking the question causes me to wonder. True enough, He has been oh, so very gracious to me regardless. I can’t even imagine why I’ve been so blessed. How or why does He bless when I can’t answer a simple question, or know that I am surrendered to His will? ‘Tis mystery, indeed!

The Holy Spirit has also challenged me concerning the nature of joy. That’s right…joy. How so? Well, the Apostle Paul tells the Roman church, in essence, that joy comes through tribulation (see Romans 8: 31-39). I like to think I’m joyful, but the Holy Spirit has me wondering. I know that I “enjoy” life, but enjoying something doesn’t necessarily mean I am living joyfully. I know I’m grateful…grateful for all His blessings. I know I’m humbled…humbled by His grace.

Do I not know the depths of true joy because I’ve not endured the hardships of tribulation? Dare I pray for tribulation so that I might find out? Yeah, I’m probably not going to do that, and the fact that I’m unwilling to pray such a prayer causes me no little amount of heartburn. Darn this Lenten season!

I suppose the challenge of this Lent has me questioning my commitment to Jesus Christ and His Kingdom. It comes down to a question Jesus asked his disciples in John 6:

⁶⁶ From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

⁶⁷ “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

John 6:66-67 (NIV)

“You do not want to leave, too, do you?” I feel like in one sense that I have, in fact, gone away…I’ve turned back…I’ve fallen down. Abandoning full-time ministry feels almost like an abandonment of Jesus. It feels like I “turned back.” For me, I think it was a matter of ministry was “working for Jesus,” without “walking with Jesus.” There is a difference, you know?

I spent so many years working for Jesus that I quit walking with Him. Perhaps that is the thing that burned me out. I guess He’s just using this Lenten season to teach me to walk with Him again, since I’m not “working” for Him during this time. I am learning to walk again.

Let me say that if a person has a choice of working for Jesus or walking with Jesus, chose walking with Jesus every time. Intimacy with Jesus can easily get lost when we are working for Him. Walking with Him promotes the intimacy we need to actually do the work for Him…and I mean the work that He wants and needs us to do, not the work we want and think He wants us to do. The differences are oh, so subtle, but they are oh, so real.

And to think, I was going to let this Lenten season pass unnoticed. Perhaps all these challenges are my punishment for not giving something up for Lent.

Until next time, keep looking up…