I suppose this is really the end. One day, I knew it would come. I could see it on the horizon, the landscape shifting as it was. Now, my heart is heavy. The tears you see are real. Life as we know it is no more. Why? NO MORE BACON!
The headline read “Activists: Pigs, chickens, cows have feelings, too.” The story went on to tell the sad story of how farm animals are people, too, and we shouldn’t be eating them. It seems a psychologist at Emory University (of course, it would be a Methodist school!) will be working with a group called Farm Sanctuary on extensive research to demonstrate that “pigs, chickens, cows and other farm animals as more intelligent and emotionally complex than commonly believed.” I bet they’ll be using some of my tax dollars to conduct this research, too.
I have to give them credit. At least they’re honest about their intention. The purpose of their study is twofold–“to build broader public support for humane treatment of farm animals and to boost the ranks of Americans who choose not to eat meat.” It’s been my experience that people who begin a study with a stated goal in mind usually go on to prove their stated goal. Funny how that works, huh?
And, here I thought it was time for bacon to come into its own. Just as people are discovering that bacon makes everything better. A guy in New York City even opened a “baconery,” which is a bacon bakery. A person can get bacon brownies, bacon cookies, bacon chocolate, bacon bread, and even bacon dog-treats. I wonder if the researchers can do a study on the psychological impact it will have on dogs when dogs discover pigs have feelings, too. Will dogs be inclined to eat less bacon? Maybe I’ll apply for a government grant to conduct that study.
I can’t imagine a life of no bacon–or pork fat in general. Everything is better with pork fat. Just this past weekend, Vanessa made some excellent pulled pork BBQ. I’ve been enjoying the leftovers all week. And, I can’t imagine a life with no breakfast for supper. Yum! There’s nothing better in the cool evenings of fall than the house filled the with aroma of sizzling bacon, scrambled eggs and homemade biscuits. Seriously, a ribeye steak can’t be done better than breakfast for dinner (oh! I forgot. Cows have feelings, too!). I can’t envision a world where I can’t show up at my mom’s some early Saturday morning and not get home homemade biscuits, bacon and sausage. I mean, really, what’s the point?
Okay, I’m not writing to throw stones at vegans. If a person wants to eat only vegetables, that’s quite okay with me, but please don’t spend my tax money to prove your point. And, having spent my tax money, don’t expound your “gospel,” tell me how evil I am for enjoying pork fat, and then try to make it the law of the land to do away with it. I get the sense that will be the result of all the studies–pigs (and cows and chickens) are people, too, so it’s sinful to eat them. I’m not prepared to cede the moral high ground to vegans.
There are probably a few vegans reading this blog today, and to them I say, “More power to ya’,” but leave my bacon alone. They’ll likely get mad at me. They might even reply to this blog with studies that show how healthy a vegan diet is, and there might be one or two who point out that vegan was God’s original diet plan–that pork is one of those Levitical no-no’s. Who cares? There’s a reason I’m not the perfect pastor! I only ask that you tolerate my indiscretion here. After all, the only thing we’re not supposed to tolerate is intolerance, right? Unless, of course, what I want you to tolerate disagrees with what you think ought to be tolerated. There’s much that can be tolerated these days. Heaven help us if we add bacon to the list of things that can’t be tolerated.
Sorry if you were reading today for some deep theological truth. You won’t find it here. Just a sad tale concerning the soon demise of bacon. Depression is setting in, but I think the remedy can be found if I can just get to the refrigerator and start frying some bacon. You’ll have to excuse me now. I’m hungry.
Until next time, keep looking up…