9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is ith your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. 11 As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” 12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?15 And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”
16 But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, “Lord, who has believed our message?” 17 Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.
Romans 10: 9 – 17 (NIV)
This passage from Romans was part of my devotional reading on Thanksgiving day this past week. As I read this passage, I did so with mixed (?) feelings simply because this passage was so central in helping me discern God’s call to ministry over 32 years ago. Why were the feelings so mixed? My feelings were mixed because there are many days that I wonder if I am continuing to live out His call. To use the Apostle Paul’s imagery, I should state it this way: I’m not feeling like my feet are very beautiful these days.
Perhaps the feelings were also being fueled by a recent book I read entitled Goodbye Jesus: An Evangelical Preacher’s Journey Beyond Faith by Tim Sledge. Let me save you the pain of reading the book by offering a synopsis. Young man is called and begins preaching at age 16. Young man goes to college and seminary and graduates with multiple degrees. Young man marries. Young man serves numerous congregations until arriving as pastor of what becomes a “mega-church.” Young man starts vital ministries that impact congregations throughout the nation while leading the mega-church congregation. Pastor gets booted from mega-church congregation for no apparent reason. Pastor eventually gets divorced. Pastor gets re-married and divorced again. Pastor leaves ministry. Pastor loses faith in Jesus Christ and His Church.
While that is definitely the abridged version of the story, reading it did prompt me to reconsider what I believe about Jesus Christ and His Church, and why I believe it. As of today, I did not come down on the same side as the former Rev. Dr. Sledge.
Today, I am more committed to Christ and HIs Church than perhaps that day in October 1990 when I walked down the aisle at (what is now) Chatham Community Church and announced that I felt called to ministry.
May I say that I’ve been living the dream ever since!
Honestly, as a young man I never dreamed of being in ministry. It’s just nothing I ever considered. If you asked me as a teenager what my dream was, I would have told you to go into communications (I wanted to be Bob Barker, remember?).
Later, as a young man I would have told you I saw myself owning and running a business. Sure, I was working in law enforcement at the time, but I knew that would never be a career for me. I would be an entrepreneur, or hey, I might even go into politics (yup, tried that, too!), or why not do both? That was the dream in my early adult life. Let’s just say that God has a great sense of humor!
God’s sense of humor had me communicating on a weekly basis, engaging my entrepreneurial bent in growing congregations and managing the politics of leading a church. Yeah, funny right? God called me to ministry and gave me opportunity to do all the things I dreamed about as a kid and as a young man. It is called “living the dream,” just not in the way I thought.
There were days I thought the dream might become a nightmare. It’s on those days that I can understand how the former Rev. Dr. Sledge might reach the conclusion he did. Those sentiments came to a head for me in February 2019 as I watched events unfold at the special session of General Conference of the United Methodist Church. I’ve never seen the Church so ugly…or so ugly toward one another. Yes, I know the Church has a long history of ugly episodes, but I didn’t live through them. Experiencing the ugliness in real time takes a toll…or, at least it did on me.
I won’t say I lost my faith as a result of General Conference 2019, but I did lose a lot of faith in the institution and its leadership. If I didn’t lose my faith, I at least surely questioned it. I questioned His call to ministry. I questioned my commitment to Christ and His Church…and particularly the United Methodist Church. Could the Church be broken beyond repair? Could I make a difference anymore? Did I want to make a difference anymore? Was it worth the fight?
In 2019, my answer to the last three questions was “no.” I wouldn’t call it a crisis of faith, but I would call it a challenge to my faith, and I wasn’t sure I had the energy to withstand the challenge. The dream had become a nightmare and the nightmare led me to make the decision to leave ministry and the United Methodist Church. By far, the hardest decision I’ve ever made, but with it came a sense of relief…like a burden was lifted…like the way a person is supposed to feel when he/she comes to faith in Jesus Christ. It seemed to be working in reverse, though.
I can certainly understand how the former Rev. Dr. Sledge came to his conclusion. He sought healing and restoration through the church only to be rebuffed at every turn. Yes, there were moral lapses and ethical failures, but (for heaven’s sake!) the church is supposed to be a place of healing and restoration, isn’t it? We’re not supposed to shoot our own! He wasn’t booted from his pastoral position as a result of those moral lapses or ethical failures. They came after the fact. His living of the dream certainly turned into a nightmare. As the conclusion of the book reveals, the nightmare impacted his view of faith and the church. I sympathize with him, but I am eternally grateful I didn’t reach the same conclusion.
No, my time away from ministry brought me a new perspective. It gave me time to breathe, to think, to pray, to reflect and to reassess the call to ministry. When I made the decision in May 2019 to walk away, I thought surely I was done with ministry. Yes, I knew I would probably fill a pulpit for a vacationing pastor from time to time, but otherwise, enough was enough. It was time for a new dream, new plans and a new life.
Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.
Initially, I didn’t receive many calls to fill in for clergy. I suppose I was damaged goods, or folks didn’t think I would be interested in pulpit supply (after all, I DID walk away). It’s probably a good thing. It gave me more time to miss the work of ministry, more time to reflect, more time to pray. Then, after seven months, the world changed–Covid-19!
The pandemic changed the way the church functioned. It was an absolute necessity. I watched with curiosity as pastors and lay leaders “pivoted” the way they did church. I felt a stirring in my bones that the challenges of adapting to the new reality would have been right up my alley. Perhaps the Lord knew the stress would kill me, so he delivered me from it, but that would certainly be a very narcissistic perspective (you mean it’s not all about me?). Covid actually made me miss the work of ministry. Covid caused me to reassess my call to ministry.
This blog is already too long, so I won’t go into all the ways the pandemic got my entrepreneurial juices flowing. Suffice it to say the pandemic (and watching pastors and churches adapt to it) reignited a vision within me for doing and being the church. It also wasn’t long before my phone started to ring to fill pulpits. I do find the timing interesting…just as my juices started flowing my phone started ringing. Coincidence? Probably not.
Let me make a long story short–today, I’m living the dream in a whole new way. Vanessa and I purchased a business in 2021, so I get to scratch my entrepreneurial itch every day, and now serving in my third congregation as an interim pastor, I have the opportunity to serve the Kingdom for His glory using the gifts and graces He supplies.
In this season of ministry, I’m content in helping congregations in transition. There are a lot of them that need the help (don’t even get me started on why!), so there is plenty of work to be done. I’ve also developed an even deeper appreciation for the work of bivocational clergy during this season of ministry.
The “dream” for now is knowing that the call is real because Christ is real and that I get to live it out every day. I am blessed in knowing that my disillusionment with the institution of the Church didn’t cause me to lose my faith in Jesus Christ, but that it opened doors to new ways of doing ministry…to new ways of living the dream…which I get to do every day. Praise God!
Okay, so my feet may not be that beautiful, but I have feet, and I’ll use them to share the Gospel. The Lord will transform that which was broken and make it beautiful. It’s what He does. Of that, I’m certain.
Oh, and one more thing of which I’m certain? If the world will know Christ, the world will know Christ because someone preached the Word. That’s where the Apostle Paul left it. Let me leave it right there, too!
Until next time, keep looking up…