It must be because I’ve been spending too much time in doctor’s offices, but I’m starting to feel old. I’m looking old, that’s for sure. All I have to do is walk by a mirror. The hair is getting grayer, the face a little more wrinkled. That much I can tell. Now, though, the looking and the feeling are catching up with each other.

Getting older has some advantages (though only a few). One advantage is grandchildren. Grandchildren are the cat’s meow, as they say. I’ve said before that if I had known grandchildren were this much fun, I would have skipped the children and gone straight for the grandchildren.

Another advantage is wisdom. Perhaps Job summed it up best when he said, “wisdom belongs to the aged, and understanding to the old” (Job 12:12 NLT), so there’s that! Solomon (the wisest man who ever lived) is credited with saying, “A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness” (Proverbs 16:31 NIV).

I’m willing to take Job and Solomon at their word. Sitting in doctor’s offices gives one lots of time to think. As I sat there awaiting my turn, I began to make a few mental notes of what I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older. I began to jot out a few of those lessons and I thought I’d might share those with you.

Lesson #1: I’m not Superman!

Did you ever believe that you needed to know everything? I used to believe that, and if I didn’t know something, I’d make something up just so I could provide an answer. I may not have always been right, but I was never in doubt!

I also believed I had to be in total control of my emotions, that I needed to make a ton of money, that I had to be naturally athletic, never get lost, never feel physical pain and that I had to know everything about cars and machinery. I don’t believe those things anymore.

I’m really not Superman, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Not only am I not able to, I no longer want to. I’m absolutely comfortable in my skin knowing what I know AND knowing what I don’t know. Actually, the older I’ve gotten, the more I know I don’t know, and the more I can admit I don’t know.

Lesson # 2: I’m not entitled to anything.

I really can’t say much about everyone else’s sense of entitlement, especially since it took me getting older to figure out I’m not entitled to anything.

I tried to figure out where this sense of entitlement comes from. It would be real easy to blame it on being an American citizen where our government (and by our government, I mean us) has developed numerous “entitlement” programs to keep us happy, but it could as easily come from being a consumer. More likely, though, it comes from simply being a man (a human) who is, in his unregenerate nature, selfish.

The older I’ve gotten, though, I’ve discovered that life…all of life…is sheer grace! Life is a gift and it is to be enjoyed as the gift that it is.

Our recent little house fire is an example. Oh, we are blessed, indeed! The fire could have been so much worse. We don’t know why it burned itself out, but it is grace that it did. Yes, there’s been consternation with clean-up companies and contractors, but even that is grace. Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me patience, and that is grace, too.

I’m not entitled to anything, and until I crucify that sense, it will be one of the greatest roadblocks to faithfulness to Jesus.

Lesson #3: Emotions are good things.

I grew up believing that it was okay to ask a man what he thinks, but never, ever ask a man what he feels. I don’t know that anyone specifically taught me that. I think it was just understood. Emotions were the domain of the fairer sex. Maybe it’s just the generation I am from.

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve come to understand and accept that the Lord gives us two ways to know him–our thoughts AND our emotions. We are emotional creatures. He made us that way. After all, we are created in His image, right?

Jesus was filled with emotion. He wept (John 11:35). He was angry (Matthew 21: 12 – 17). He was sorrowful (Matthew 26:38). He was compassionate (Mark 6:38). I could go on, but you get the picture.

I could make a similar list for God, the Father. He demonstrates grief (Genesis 6:6). He expressed anger (Deut. 9:22). He is compassionate (Judges 2:18). Again, you get the picture.

Admittedly, our emotions are subject to the sin within us, so we can’t depend upon them as an arbiter of salvation, but it is healthy to express our emotions rather than keeping them buttoned down. We men don’t have to be James Bond–always in control…of our emotions and everything else.

Lesson #4: I can’t do life alone.

Remember what God said in Genesis 2:18? Sure, you do–“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’.” We are created for community. We are, by nature, social animals. We need each other.

I’ll confess that I need Vanessa. I can’t imagine doing life without her. Heck, we practically raised one another (well, she raised me more than I raised her, but that’s another story). We married at age 18, and this October, we will celebrate 44 years together. We need each other!

As a man, though, I also need men in my life. God created men and women differently (Praise God!), and there are issues that men grapple with that women simply don’t understand, and there are issues women grapple with that men will never get. Yes, Vanessa is my best friend, but I need other (male) friends to share this journey of life with.

As a good Wesleyan, we need to practice accountability, and having male (or female) friends gives us an opportunity to do just that. Yes, we also need our time away from the crowds, but even when Jesus went away, he often took Peter, James and John with him.

I can’t do life alone!

Lesson #5: Power can be a positive thing.

This one might be a little touchy given the current climate toward masculinity, but sometimes I just need to “man-up.” Sometimes, my wife and my children (and grandchildren) need me to be a “knight in shining armor.” There is a reason we liked to play cops and robbers when we were kids. It was a natural reflection of and development for our masculinity. Masculinity is also the reason most little boys want to grow up to be firemen and astronauts. Yes, women can be those things, too, but I don’t know very many little girls who dream of being cops or firemen. That only comes as they get closer to adulthood.

Power used appropriately can be a very positive thing. I’m thinking of Ronald Reagan and his famous speech at the Berlin Wall: “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” It was an exercise of power designed to make the world a better place. That is an appropriate use of authority/power.

Anytime I can use my power/authority to make life better for my family, my community, my church or others, then it is very positive, indeed. I shouldn’t be afraid of my masculinity in the service of others. It was Jesus who said, “All authority on heaven and earth has been given to me. Go therefore, and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:18). It was authority used appropriately. I need to be like Jesus.

Lesson #6: “No” is a complete sentence.

I heard someone say once that “No” is a complete sentence. It took me getting older to understand how correct they were. I spent so much of my ministry years trying to be everything to everybody that I ended up making commitments that I neither could or wanted to keep. I made myself miserable by never turning anyone down.

Honestly, it was utter irresponsibility on my part. It wasn’t fair to those to whom I made commitments. It certainly wasn’t fair to my family, and it was killing me. I know it was the people-pleaser in me at work, and the devil would use it as a way to distract me from the more important elements of spiritual discipline.

In more recent years, I’ve said, “No,” to a lot of good things, but we have to say no to the good things so that we can say yes to the best things…or the more important things…or the more meaningful things.

And besides, as someone else said, “No for now is not no forever.” There may be a time when you can willingly fulfill a commitment that you can’t abide right now. You never know what door the Lord will open later on.

Lesson #7: I’m a lot braver than I give myself credit for.

Men are supposed to be courageous. Though I wanted to be Batman or Superman, I think I spent more of my life as Barney Fife.

May I say, though, that just the fact that I’m older is a testament to the fact that I’m braver than I ever gave myself credit for? Seriously, life is hard and to have made it this far proves that just living takes courage. I survived a car accident that, by mere inches, could have ended my life.

Hey, I survived raising children! That’s not for sissies either. They’re all productive, contributing members of society. I haven’t always been able to say that. Now I can say that, and I say it with humility and gratitude. Nope, I didn’t do it alone, and that’s another indication of courage. Vanessa and I have survived over 43 years of marriage.

Surviving life takes courage. That’s a reality. Just knowing that I can write this and you can read it is a testimony to the fact that we’re brave enough to get up every day and do life. The bravest thing a person can do is admit his limitations (mine are abundant). That’s why I’ve learned to trust Jesus for my salvation. He is the greatest source of our strength.

Conclusion

No, growing old isn’t for sissies. I have learned in all this that getting older isn’t about growing weaker, or more confused, or more limited. Growing older is about growing up and learning to understand what it means to be made in the image of God. That’s a lesson I’m still learning.

What about you? What lessons are you learning? Share them in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time, keep looking up…