Self-Denial

Pondering Tozer…

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

The recent fire in our home put the reading of A. W. Tozer as part of my devotional habit on hold for a few weeks. My books were in the living room that was filled with soot and ash, and it was three weeks before the books were cleaned.

Okay, it’s been over a month since the fire and my house still isn’t clean, but that’s another story I’ll save for another time. I need to get over my frustration with the cleaning company before I express my sentiments publicly. Mama always said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.” So, I’m not saying anything.

I picked up Tozer again this week, and there are several quotes that I have been ruminating over the last several days. I share them here. Perhaps the quotes will prompt you to ponder, as well. Please keep in mind that Tozer died in 1963. If it was bad in 1963, how bad must it be today?

These quotes are from The Pursuit of God:

Self-Sins

“To be specific, the self-sins are these: self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love and a host of others like them.”

Tozer identifies self-love as a sin. I get that, but at the same time, I wrestle with what Jesus said to the scribe in Mark 12: 31–“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself‘.” Where is that line? I know it has much to do with being as forgiving of others as I am of myself. I know when I screw-up, I am very quick to extend grace to myself, and make several excellent excuses for what I’ve done. I should be so quick to do that for others. I know there’s more to it than that, but I still want to know, “How do I love myself without being guilty of the sin of self-love?”

Self Promotion

“Promoting self under the guise of promoting Christ is currently so common as to excite little notice.”

Oh, the things we do in the name of Christ that have nothing to do with Jesus! Jesus gets credit for a lot of things he would really rather have nothing to do with, and he gets the blame for many things that are absolutely not on him. I suspect it is (at least in my case) because we want to avoid responsibility and accountability for ourselves. I noticed that self-responsibility and self-accountability are not in Tozer’s list of the “self” sins.

Scribe or Pharisee

“Between the scribe who has read and the prophet who has seen there is a difference as wide as the sea. We are today overrun with orthodox scribes, but the prophets, where are they? The hard voice of the scribe sounds over evangelicalism, but the Church waits for the tender voice of the saint who has penetrated the veil and has gazed with inward eye upon the Wonder that is God. And yet, thus to penetrate, to push in sensitive living experience into the holy Presence, is a privilege open to every child of God.”

I am especially convicted by Tozer’s quote above because of one old seminary professor. That professor, after hearing one of my sermons, approached me and said, “Lynn, you have the gift of prophetic utterance. Use the gift wisely.” I fear I have not used it wisely, but rather have not used it at all. Unfortunately, I have fancied myself more the scribe (who has read) than the prophet (who has seen). Oh! To be one who has seen the Lord, high and lifted up, glorified and sitting on the Throne, instead of one who only knows what he has read of the glory of the Almighty.

Dying to Self

“Let us remember: when we talk of the rending of the veil we are speaking in a figure, and the thought of it is poetical, almost pleasant; but in actuality there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. To tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and death no death at all. It is never fun to die. To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free.”

Every disciple must die–he/she must die to self, and as Tozer says, “It is never fun to die.” The greater pain comes in knowing that I must die to self everyday, and everyday that death is no less painful. Perhaps that is why I avoid it so much. Didn’t Jesus say, “If anyone desires to be my disciple, they must take up their cross daily…?” I am reminded in these moments of the words of the great G. K. Chesterton: “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.”

I think that’s quite enough pondering for one day (probably enough for a week). I admit I long to read Tozer because I know he’ll light a fire under me, but then I read Tozer and the conviction often outweighs the anticipation with which I began.

Tozer. Always compelling. Always interesting. Always convicting. Always challenging. Always worth it. May I commend him to you?

Until next time, keep looking up…

Still Some Dying to Do…

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

The past week has had me contemplating death…yes, even my own! What a morbid way to begin a blog, right? Hear me out, though!

Certainly, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve thought about my own demise. My dad died at age 63, so I’m a mere three years younger than he was when he passed away. I’ve thought about that often since October.

Honestly, that’s not really the death I have been contemplating recently. It may have been the ice storm left me with too much time on my hands, or the fact that I preached on Jesus’s baptism last week, but the death I’ve been contemplating is death to self. In that regard, I know I have a little more dying to do.

I am reminded of the words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who said in The Cost of Discipleship, “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” We die to pride, we die to selfishness, we die to our own will, our own desires, and we are raised to be like Christ.

As much as baptism is a symbol of the forgiveness of sins, it is also a symbol of our dying. The Apostle Paul said as much to the Roman church:

3 Or have you forgotten that when we were joined with Christ Jesus in baptism, we joined him in his death? 4 For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives.5 Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised to life as he was. 6 We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. 7 For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. 8 And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him.

Romans 6: 3 – 8

Baptism is our acknowledgment that we have heard God’s call to come and die. Baptism is our acknowledgment that we are not sent to work “for” God, but are sent to be “used” by God for His purpose. We acknowledge that we are His vessel so that His grace can be poured out through us. For that to happen, I must die.

My pride must die. Pride has no place in God’s presence. Pride cannot be sustained in God’s presence. If I’m still struggling with pride (and I am), I still have some dying to do.

Death is a frightening thing, though. We avoid it like the plague. Yes, even dying to self, especially when we live in a culture that tells us life is about self-realization, self-actualization and self-fulfillment. No, I’m sorry! That is not what the Bible says and that is not God’s call upon our lives. God’s call is to self-surrender. God’s call is to selflessness. God’s call is to self-denial. In that regard, I still have some dying to do.

Paul says we are dead to sin. Oh, really? It sure doesn’t feel that way some days! It’s probably because I still have some dying to do. God’s call is to holiness…to sanctification (that $3 theological word we Wesleyans like to throw around). We Wesleyans believe that baptism is an acknowledgment that God’s sanctifying grace begins its work in us so that God might do His work through us. We believe that a life of holiness is real and attainable, but it will only come through death–death to self. We must die to live. An oxymoron, I know, but according to Paul, it is imperative.

Then why is it that many (most) days, I feel like I actually regressed in the pursuit of holiness? Honestly, some days I get tired of trying! Death is hard! Faithfulness is hard! Pursuing a life of holiness is exhausting! Well, duh!

The last week of reflection has shown me that it is so hard because I’m the one doing all the work. I’m the one doing all the work because I still have some dying to do. The “old self” hasn’t died enough to realize that forgiveness is a gift…salvation is a gift…the Holy Spirit is a gift. I heard the call of God and then “I” went to work instead of receiving the gift and allowing the Holy Spirit to do His work in me.

I work so dad-gum hard to become a better me that I never realized that the Lord wants to make me a different me. He’ll do all the work if I just get out of the way and let him. The only way I can get out of the way is through death–death to self.

How? How can I die to self? I can’t! I’ve figured that one out. This death is not within my ability to accomplish. I have to quit trying. I have to surrender even my desire for self-denial to the power of the Holy Spirit. I cannot overcome the temptations and pride of life in myself. It is only through a power outside myself. My only prayer…my only hope is “Let the Holy Spirit fall on me!”

I still have a little dying to do. Come Holy Spirit! I’ll not die without You!

Until next time, keep looking up…