Suffering Fools…(and other advice for people my age)

I haven’t written much lately. I’ve just been too busy. If I’d known that at age 62 I’d be working seven days a week, I might have rethought some things or done some better planning. This is the time of life that one is supposed to be winding down, not ramping up, but ramp up I have, so…

Honestly, what I’ve been reflecting on over the last several weeks is my own mortality. I suppose that’s what we old people do. I don’t really know. I’ve never been old before. It’s kinda’ funny because I don’t really feel old, well except in the morning when I get up, and at night when I go to bed, and the three times during the night (sorry, too much information!)…

I get a lot of windshield time every week (it’s an 80-mile round trip to work). That windshield time is when I do a lot of praying and a lot of thinking. As I’ve been praying and thinking lately, I’ve hit upon several things that I’ve decided I’m not going to do anymore. It simply, at age 62, doesn’t make sense to me to do these things. I thought I’d share them with you, so here goes…

The Five Things I’m Not Going to Do Anymore at My Age

1. Suffer Fools

Yes, I know the Apostle Paul says that we are to “suffer fools gladly” (2 Cor. 11:19), but I also think it was in one of his sarcastic moments that he said it.

The reality is at this age, time is too precious to waste on foolish people. You know the ones I’m talking about–the ones that always only talk about themselves, that think they are the center of the world, that think they’re always right (or that you are always wrong), that are always argumentative, that are always demanding something of others that they don’t offer themselves.

I’m not going to be confrontational. I’m simply going to step away. Peace these days is more important than winning an argument or proving someone wrong, or even calling out foolishness. Honestly, there will have to be a strong urging on the part of the Holy Spirit for me to engage past the surface level of pleasantries before moving on.

2. Care What Other People Think

Okay, so confession time. I spent a lot of time in my past caring what other people thought of me. Perhaps it’s the middle child syndrome that captured me, but I used to cultivate a certain appearance because I thought it was what people expected of me. One of my most important characteristics was trying to meet others expectations, and it all had to do with what they might think about me otherwise.

Yeah, well now that I’m in my 60’s, I’m done with that. Why? Honestly? Because they’re NOT thinking about me! They’re too busy focused on their own lives and worried about their own problems to be worried about me. I suppose it took me all these years to figure that out.

Two passages of scripture come to mind: First is Proverbs 29:25–“It is dangerous to be concerned with what other people think of you, but if you trust in the Lord, you are safe.” And, the Apostle Paul warns the Galatian Christians, “For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

I only care what Christ thinks of me. Will he find me faithful? Oh! And, Vanessa. I care what she thinks of me. Everyone else? Eh!

3. Compare Myself to Others

This third “not-going-to-do” thing is closely related to the second one, but I do believe it stands on its own. I used to compare myself to other preachers. I used to compare my church to other churches. I used to measure my success by the success of others.

Dang! This is more confessional than I thought it would be when I started writing this list down.

Now that I’m in my 60’s, the race is about over. Life is not a competition that I need to win. Hey? If I haven’t won by now, I’m not likely to this late in the game. Of course, it all depends on how one defines winning.

There will always be someone who is better, richer, stronger, younger, better looking (well, maybe not!) than I am. But, I have no way of knowing what is going on in their lives. Their lives could all be a facade. Besides, some wise sage once said, “Comparison destroys contentment.” That sage was correct.

As I think about winning the race, I am reminded of what the writer to the Hebrews wrote to the Church: “let us run with endurance the race God has set before us” (Hebrews 12:1b). Life is not a race that we are in to win. Life is a race we are in simply to finish, and Christ calls us to run with patient endurance all the way to the end.

How do we do that? The writer to the Hebrews tells us that, too: “We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith” (Hebrews 12:2a). At this age, I just want to be more like Jesus. He’s the only one I’m going to compare myself to because the goal of every believer’s life is to be Christ-like. How do I measure up in that regard?

4. Chase Old Goals

This one is tricky, but let me try to explain it. It used to be that I was extremely goal-oriented, chasing the great job, the big church, moving up the corporate ladder (yes, the church has one of those). For the most part, I achieved all those goals.

The Lord, for some strange reason, chose to bless us beyond measure (He still does, too), and ministry was very good to us. I only hope the ministry He entrusted to me was fruitful, and that all the chasing of those goals was not at the expense of faithfulness.

Now that I’m 62, I can say, “Been there, done that!” And, though I found meaning in the moment, looking back over my life, they just don’t seem that important. What are my new goals? Faithfulness to Jesus and a legacy for my family. Everything I do will be oriented to one of those ends.

I don’t want to come to the end of the race only to hear my Savior say, “Depart from me, you who practice iniquity, for I never knew you” (Matt. 7:23). The longing of my heart is to enter His presence and hear “‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord’” (Matt. 25:23).

Yup! That should have been my goal all along. It’s a pity it took me getting to be an old man to figure it out. Praise God I did!

5. Ignore My Health

Man! This one has really hit home over the past year. I went 61 years of my life without medication other than the occasional antibiotic or over-the-counter cold medicine. Now, I’m making regular trips to the pharmacy to keep the medicine cabinet full.

I think most of the issues I’m dealing with are hereditary, but let’s just say I’ve not always been the healthiest guy in the world. Yes, back in 2008 – 2009, I went through a period of weight-loss and health improvement, but it was done with chasing those goals I mentioned earlier in mind. I wanted to look better and feel better so I would have a better chance of hitting those goals.

Now, the goal is to be healthy so I can live longer. I know! None of us are going to live forever, but I would like to at least outlive my dad (who died at 63!). There are still some health-related things I need to deal with, but one thing I have done is take off 25 of the pounds I put back on post-2009. Now, I’ve got a closet full of clothes that are too big! Do not take that as a complaint.

My goal is to have the energy to do the things Vanessa and I should be doing now that we’re at this age. A little travel and a lot of family takes a lot of energy. Healthy lives lend themselves to quality lives. I won’t be ignoring my health nor taking it for granted anymore.

Conclusion

So, there you have the five things I’m not going to do anymore. Perhaps I should have cast them in a more positive light and said “The Five Things I’ve Started Doing at My Age,” but I’m a glass half empty kind of guy (which I should probably stop being at this age), so what ya’ gonna’ do? There may be a few tricks old dogs really can’t learn.

I do, however, believe that I don’t have to suffer fools, nor do I have to care what other people think, nor compare myself to others, nor chase all the old goals I set in life. I also believe that I can no longer ignore my health if I want to have fruitful years ahead.

How about you? Are there any things you’re not doing now that you’re older? Or if you’re one of those “younger” folks still out there chasing dreams, is there anything on this list that struck a nerve? I’d love to hear back from any of you. Leave your comments below.

Until next time (whenever that might be), keep looking up…

Just More Bad News…

Did the title get your attention? Well, that’s exactly what I wanted it to do. You probably clicked on the link because you thought, “Oh! Let me see what the bad news is!”

Well, the bad news is that your/our social media is leading us to more and more bad news. It really doesn’t matter the platform, either. Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, X (Twitter)–the algorithms are all pointing us to bad news. And, we keep clicking and keep scrolling. We get caught in a “doom loop,” and that makes the situation worse.

Positively Negative

The reality is we like bad news. Many years ago, I had a radio executive in one of the congregations I served. I dabbled in radio as a younger guy, so I thought “Maybe it’s time to get back into radio.” I had a conversation with the executive to pitch my idea for a local radio talk show. After a couple of back and forth conversations discussing the idea he eventually said, “Lynn, to be successful in talk radio, you have to be negative. I don’t think you really want to be negative.” That same attention-grabbing negativity that drives talk radio also drives our social media algorithms.

No, I didn’t want to be negative then, and I don’t want to be negative now, but heaven help me, I find myself being more and more negative in my online engagement, and that’s leading me to be more negative in my face-to-face engagements. I don’t like the person I’m becoming as a result of all the “bad news” in my life. It’s messing with my sanctification!

It would be real easy to say, “It’s not my fault!” That’s the easy out. I could blame it on “algorithmic negativity bias” (it’s a real thing–look it up). Look, social media is designed to keep us scrolling. The algorithm learns which posts get our attention–that make us stop, linger or click. Unfortunately, bad news gets our attention more than good news. If we stop and linger on a “bad news” headline, we get more bad news headlines in our feed.

We humans have a survival mode bred into us that means our brains are wired to pay more attention to threats and danger (think “fight or flight” here). So, when we see a negative headline, we naturally pause.

Traditional media understood this long before the brainiacs developed algorithms for social media. Traditional media was driven by two statements: “If it bleeds, it leads,” and “Sex sells!” Social media has simply perfected these mentalities, and we’ve (meaning “me”) fallen for it in a big way.

What really makes me stop on the bad news headline? It’s just my old sinful nature at work, and the Enemy is utilizing social media to draw me away from the holiness to which Christ calls me. Let me say it this way, “Sin has a hold of me and it won’t let go, and now social media is helping it keep its hold.”

Turning Off the Doom Loop

So, the Holy Spirit and I have a little work to do. Yeah, I know the simple answer is to get off social media, but I ask, “This day and age is getting off social media a realistic possibility?” Social media is simply a tool. It is amoral. It is what we do with it that determines its morality.

The first thing I must do to turn off the doom loop is repent. All significant spiritual change begins with repentance. I repent of my own negativity and I’m sorry for all the negative posts I’ve made on social media (and there have been a few more than I care to admit). My prayer is “Change my heart, O God!”

The Lord really does want to change my heart, and as much as I would like a supernatural transformation, He’s asking me to do a little of the work myself. What is He asking me to do?

One, He’s telling me to limit my time on social media. Set a timer if I need to in order to remind myself how long I’ve been online. I need to spend less time online and more time “touching grass,” as they say–more time in face-to-face interactions. It’s a whole lot easier to say mean things online than it is in person.

Two, I need to actively engage with positive content online in order to reprogram the algorithm. That means I have to mute or block or snooze the negativity in my social media feed. When I find positive content I need to share it with others. Simply don’t click on negative headlines. Stop falling into the trap.

Three, I need to get back into God’s Word. I need to spend more time reading and reflecting on God’s Word than scrolling negative headlines on social media.

Yeah, I’ve got a lot of work to do, but with the Holy Spirit’s help, perhaps I’ll come out on the other side a better person. Perhaps the holiness I desire will make its way out in the interactions I have online and in person. That’s my prayer, anyway…

Because I’m just tired of all the bad news…

Until next time, keep looking up…