Courage

Happy Mother’s Day…

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

Let me go ahead and say it, “Happy Mother’s Day!” to all the moms out there. What in the world would we do without you?

Apparently, it’s uncouth to say it or celebrate it in today’s culture because some mothers have failed at being good mothers, or because some children are estranged from their mothers, or because of the grief and pain that comes in having lost a mother or a mother having lost children. And, we shouldn’t forget those who always wanted to be mothers and couldn’t, for whatever reason. For all these (and more), Mother’s Day is just too triggering, so we should simply forego the occasion.

Oh! Let’s also not forget that it’s also become such a Hallmark holiday that it should be shunned so as not to make big corporations any richer. Yup! There’s that!

With all the sincerity I can muster, I say to all of those persons–“I’m sorry for your loss, or for your experience. I truly am. I pray that you can find peace on your journey, and that the Lord gives you strength for each day.”

A Tragic Story of Motherhood

At the same time, I’m going to say, “Happy Mother’s Day!” to all those moms who have faithfully served their children and their families. You’ve got the toughest job in the world, and the overwhelming majority of you do it with strength, concern, wisdom and courage.

Strength. Concern. Wisdom. Courage. Four characteristics of faithful mothers that I actually find lived out in the life of a mother that were born of tragic circumstances, and out of those tragic circumstances came the Savior of the world. Yes, I’m thinking about Ruth in the Old Testament.

Tucked away in the Old Testament between Judges and 1 Samuel is the compelling story of Ruth, and her place in the lineage of Jesus. Equally compelling is the story of Ruth’s mother-in-law in surviving tragic events in her life to play her part in setting the stage for the coming of God’s Kingdom. It is to Naomi that I look this morning as I reflect on mothers this Mother’s Day.

Naomi’s story begins in tragedy:

1 In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab. 2 The man’s name was Elimelek, his wife’s name was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem,Judah. And they went to Moab and lived there. (Ruth 1:1-2 NIV)

Naomi and her family depart Bethlehem (the house of bread) because there is no bread. Worse still, they go to Moab–called “God’s washbasin” by the Psalmist (108:9). Not a great move, but in hard times, you do what you need to do.

Add to the fact this was happening during the period of the Judges, the writer seems to indicate that not only was it a time of literal famine, but also during a time of spiritual famine. Remember what it says in Judges 21:25? “In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as they saw fit.”

But, there is more tragedy revealed in these opening words. Her two sons? Mahlon and Killion? Yeah, their names mean “sickly” and “puny.” Not what you would call model circumstances for the model family.

The tragedy ain’t over, either. They get to Moab and her husband (Elimelech) dies. Naomi, in a strange land and with no support network, loses her husband and is left with her sickly son and her puny son. Can things get any worse?

4 They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth (Ruth 1:4a NIV).

Yup! They married Moabite women, thus breaking Jewish law. Tragedy on top of tragedy on top of tragedy. But, that’s not all the tragedy:

After they had lived there about ten years, 5 both Mahlon and Kilion also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband (Ruth 1:4b-5 NIV).

Now, without her sons, Naomi is left to fend for herself and her two daughters-in-law…in a foreign country, no less. She decides she has no way of supporting herself in a strange land, so she determines to return to Bethlehem. We discover Naomi’s grace in her willingness to release Oprah and Ruth from their obligation to her (Ruth 1:8).

She was doing what mothers do: making the sacrifice for the betterment of her children.

Oprah chose to return to her family of origin, but Ruth chose to stay with Naomi, and in so doing, gives us one of the most moving passages in the Bible:

16 But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me” (Ruth 1: 16-17 NIV).

Naomi and Ruth make their return to Bethlehem, and upon their arrival, Naomi, in true motherly fashion, sums up her life:

20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. 21 I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me” (Ruth 1:20-21 NIV).

Grace Born in Tragedy

A tragic life borne of tragic circumstances that has brought some bitterness in her life. Yes to all of that, but I see strength and concern and wisdom and courage all along the way.

The author gives no indication that Naomi displays any grief. They only reflect that Naomi bore her pain and went on with life. Isn’t that what good mothers do? They get up and go on, and that takes incredible strength.

A Mother’s Strength

A mother’s strength is a mystery to us. It is such a mystery that the Jewish people have a proverb that says, “God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers.”

It took a strong woman to endure the circumstances that life had thrown Naomi’s way, and to encourage her daughters-in-law to return to their people. Our mothers…good and faithful mothers…are strong women–perhaps the strongest.

A Mother’s Concern

I also see a mother’s concern for her children in this unfolding tragedy. Naomi, knowing that she could not care for the spiritual, emotional or physical needs of Orpah and Ruth, was willing to forego her own happiness in favor of theirs. These two young ladies were the only connection she had left to her family, but she was willing to make the sacrifice.

Isn’t that just like a good mother? Always sacrificing her own needs for the needs of her children. That is what good mothers do.

Focus on the Family shared the story of 36-year-old Kara Tippet who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. One doctor told her to spend her remaining days enjoying the beach somewhere, while a second doctor offered to extend her life by a couple of years with some grueling treatments. She chose the treatments, writing these words to her children:

“I’ve chosen to try to survive for you. This has some horrible costs, including pain, loss of my good humor, and moods I won’t be able to control. But I must try this, if only on the outside chance that I might live one minute longer. And that minute could the be one you might need me when no one else will do. For this I intend to struggle, tooth and nail, so help me God.”

Actually, a good godly mother never surrenders her happiness for her children because her happiness comes from seeing the eyes of her child light up when she is there for him or her, no matter the cost to herself. That’s because they are concerned for their children.

A Mother’s Wisdom

A good mother is also so wise, and I see that wisdom reflected in Naomi. Mothers have an uncanny knack for knowing the right thing to say at the right time, or for knowing when to not say anything at all. Naomi’s wisdom is revealed in verse 18: “When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her.”

Mom’s always know just what to do in those difficult and confusing situations of life. The Lord has granted most of our moms great wisdom, and for that we celebrate them.

A Mother’s Courage

I also see a mother’s courage reflected in Naomi’s life. What great courage it took for Naomi (which actually means “pleasantness”) to continue on with life even though it had become quite “bitter.” Mothers often appear to be superhuman, but they are not. Mothers have needs, too, but we too often fail to recognize them.

The courage of a mother allows her to hide those needs deep within her own self because she knows the high calling and hard task that God has given her. Can’t we, for just one day a year, take the time to recognize that moms have needs, too? I believe it is certainly okay to do so, even if it is triggering for some. Moms, most moms, are courageous, and for that we celebrate.

Let me close with a quote from Chuck Swindoll on the debt we owe to our mothers. Though it doesn’t apply to all mothers everywhere, it certainly applies to most mothers–the very one who made your life possible.

“Dear Mom:

As I walk through my museum of memories,

I owe you—for your time. Day and night.

I owe you—for your example. Consistent and dependable.

I owe you—for your support. Stimulating and challenging.

I owe you—for your humor. Sparky and quick.

I owe you—for your counsel. Wise and quiet.

I owe you—for your humility. Genuine and gracious.

I owe you—for your hospitality. Smiling and warm.

I owe you—for your insight. Keen and honest.

I owe you—for your flexibility. Patient and joyful.

I owe you—for your sacrifices. Numerous and quickly forgotten.

I owe you—for your faith. Solid and sure.

I owe you—for your hope. Ceaseless and indestructible.

I owe you—for your love. Devoted and deep.”

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms–especially to Sonda Womack and Vanessa Malone. Your great strength, concern, wisdom and courage are shining examples of faithfulness for all your children.

Until next time, keep looking up…

Getting Old Ain’t for Sissies…(Lessons I’ve Learned by Getting Old)

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

It must be because I’ve been spending too much time in doctor’s offices, but I’m starting to feel old. I’m looking old, that’s for sure. All I have to do is walk by a mirror. The hair is getting grayer, the face a little more wrinkled. That much I can tell. Now, though, the looking and the feeling are catching up with each other.

Getting older has some advantages (though only a few). One advantage is grandchildren. Grandchildren are the cat’s meow, as they say. I’ve said before that if I had known grandchildren were this much fun, I would have skipped the children and gone straight for the grandchildren.

Another advantage is wisdom. Perhaps Job summed it up best when he said, “wisdom belongs to the aged, and understanding to the old” (Job 12:12 NLT), so there’s that! Solomon (the wisest man who ever lived) is credited with saying, “A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness” (Proverbs 16:31 NIV).

I’m willing to take Job and Solomon at their word. Sitting in doctor’s offices gives one lots of time to think. As I sat there awaiting my turn, I began to make a few mental notes of what I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older. I began to jot out a few of those lessons and I thought I’d might share those with you.

Lesson #1: I’m not Superman!

Did you ever believe that you needed to know everything? I used to believe that, and if I didn’t know something, I’d make something up just so I could provide an answer. I may not have always been right, but I was never in doubt!

I also believed I had to be in total control of my emotions, that I needed to make a ton of money, that I had to be naturally athletic, never get lost, never feel physical pain and that I had to know everything about cars and machinery. I don’t believe those things anymore.

I’m really not Superman, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Not only am I not able to, I no longer want to. I’m absolutely comfortable in my skin knowing what I know AND knowing what I don’t know. Actually, the older I’ve gotten, the more I know I don’t know, and the more I can admit I don’t know.

Lesson # 2: I’m not entitled to anything.

I really can’t say much about everyone else’s sense of entitlement, especially since it took me getting older to figure out I’m not entitled to anything.

I tried to figure out where this sense of entitlement comes from. It would be real easy to blame it on being an American citizen where our government (and by our government, I mean us) has developed numerous “entitlement” programs to keep us happy, but it could as easily come from being a consumer. More likely, though, it comes from simply being a man (a human) who is, in his unregenerate nature, selfish.

The older I’ve gotten, though, I’ve discovered that life…all of life…is sheer grace! Life is a gift and it is to be enjoyed as the gift that it is.

Our recent little house fire is an example. Oh, we are blessed, indeed! The fire could have been so much worse. We don’t know why it burned itself out, but it is grace that it did. Yes, there’s been consternation with clean-up companies and contractors, but even that is grace. Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me patience, and that is grace, too.

I’m not entitled to anything, and until I crucify that sense, it will be one of the greatest roadblocks to faithfulness to Jesus.

Lesson #3: Emotions are good things.

I grew up believing that it was okay to ask a man what he thinks, but never, ever ask a man what he feels. I don’t know that anyone specifically taught me that. I think it was just understood. Emotions were the domain of the fairer sex. Maybe it’s just the generation I am from.

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve come to understand and accept that the Lord gives us two ways to know him–our thoughts AND our emotions. We are emotional creatures. He made us that way. After all, we are created in His image, right?

Jesus was filled with emotion. He wept (John 11:35). He was angry (Matthew 21: 12 – 17). He was sorrowful (Matthew 26:38). He was compassionate (Mark 6:38). I could go on, but you get the picture.

I could make a similar list for God, the Father. He demonstrates grief (Genesis 6:6). He expressed anger (Deut. 9:22). He is compassionate (Judges 2:18). Again, you get the picture.

Admittedly, our emotions are subject to the sin within us, so we can’t depend upon them as an arbiter of salvation, but it is healthy to express our emotions rather than keeping them buttoned down. We men don’t have to be James Bond–always in control…of our emotions and everything else.

Lesson #4: I can’t do life alone.

Remember what God said in Genesis 2:18? Sure, you do–“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’.” We are created for community. We are, by nature, social animals. We need each other.

I’ll confess that I need Vanessa. I can’t imagine doing life without her. Heck, we practically raised one another (well, she raised me more than I raised her, but that’s another story). We married at age 18, and this October, we will celebrate 44 years together. We need each other!

As a man, though, I also need men in my life. God created men and women differently (Praise God!), and there are issues that men grapple with that women simply don’t understand, and there are issues women grapple with that men will never get. Yes, Vanessa is my best friend, but I need other (male) friends to share this journey of life with.

As a good Wesleyan, we need to practice accountability, and having male (or female) friends gives us an opportunity to do just that. Yes, we also need our time away from the crowds, but even when Jesus went away, he often took Peter, James and John with him.

I can’t do life alone!

Lesson #5: Power can be a positive thing.

This one might be a little touchy given the current climate toward masculinity, but sometimes I just need to “man-up.” Sometimes, my wife and my children (and grandchildren) need me to be a “knight in shining armor.” There is a reason we liked to play cops and robbers when we were kids. It was a natural reflection of and development for our masculinity. Masculinity is also the reason most little boys want to grow up to be firemen and astronauts. Yes, women can be those things, too, but I don’t know very many little girls who dream of being cops or firemen. That only comes as they get closer to adulthood.

Power used appropriately can be a very positive thing. I’m thinking of Ronald Reagan and his famous speech at the Berlin Wall: “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” It was an exercise of power designed to make the world a better place. That is an appropriate use of authority/power.

Anytime I can use my power/authority to make life better for my family, my community, my church or others, then it is very positive, indeed. I shouldn’t be afraid of my masculinity in the service of others. It was Jesus who said, “All authority on heaven and earth has been given to me. Go therefore, and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:18). It was authority used appropriately. I need to be like Jesus.

Lesson #6: “No” is a complete sentence.

I heard someone say once that “No” is a complete sentence. It took me getting older to understand how correct they were. I spent so much of my ministry years trying to be everything to everybody that I ended up making commitments that I neither could or wanted to keep. I made myself miserable by never turning anyone down.

Honestly, it was utter irresponsibility on my part. It wasn’t fair to those to whom I made commitments. It certainly wasn’t fair to my family, and it was killing me. I know it was the people-pleaser in me at work, and the devil would use it as a way to distract me from the more important elements of spiritual discipline.

In more recent years, I’ve said, “No,” to a lot of good things, but we have to say no to the good things so that we can say yes to the best things…or the more important things…or the more meaningful things.

And besides, as someone else said, “No for now is not no forever.” There may be a time when you can willingly fulfill a commitment that you can’t abide right now. You never know what door the Lord will open later on.

Lesson #7: I’m a lot braver than I give myself credit for.

Men are supposed to be courageous. Though I wanted to be Batman or Superman, I think I spent more of my life as Barney Fife.

May I say, though, that just the fact that I’m older is a testament to the fact that I’m braver than I ever gave myself credit for? Seriously, life is hard and to have made it this far proves that just living takes courage. I survived a car accident that, by mere inches, could have ended my life.

Hey, I survived raising children! That’s not for sissies either. They’re all productive, contributing members of society. I haven’t always been able to say that. Now I can say that, and I say it with humility and gratitude. Nope, I didn’t do it alone, and that’s another indication of courage. Vanessa and I have survived over 43 years of marriage.

Surviving life takes courage. That’s a reality. Just knowing that I can write this and you can read it is a testimony to the fact that we’re brave enough to get up every day and do life. The bravest thing a person can do is admit his limitations (mine are abundant). That’s why I’ve learned to trust Jesus for my salvation. He is the greatest source of our strength.

Conclusion

No, growing old isn’t for sissies. I have learned in all this that getting older isn’t about growing weaker, or more confused, or more limited. Growing older is about growing up and learning to understand what it means to be made in the image of God. That’s a lesson I’m still learning.

What about you? What lessons are you learning? Share them in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time, keep looking up…