Aging

Suffering Fools…(and other advice for people my age)

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

I haven’t written much lately. I’ve just been too busy. If I’d known that at age 62 I’d be working seven days a week, I might have rethought some things or done some better planning. This is the time of life that one is supposed to be winding down, not ramping up, but ramp up I have, so…

Honestly, what I’ve been reflecting on over the last several weeks is my own mortality. I suppose that’s what we old people do. I don’t really know. I’ve never been old before. It’s kinda’ funny because I don’t really feel old, well except in the morning when I get up, and at night when I go to bed, and the three times during the night (sorry, too much information!)…

I get a lot of windshield time every week (it’s an 80-mile round trip to work). That windshield time is when I do a lot of praying and a lot of thinking. As I’ve been praying and thinking lately, I’ve hit upon several things that I’ve decided I’m not going to do anymore. It simply, at age 62, doesn’t make sense to me to do these things. I thought I’d share them with you, so here goes…

The Five Things I’m Not Going to Do Anymore at My Age

1. Suffer Fools

Yes, I know the Apostle Paul says that we are to “suffer fools gladly” (2 Cor. 11:19), but I also think it was in one of his sarcastic moments that he said it.

The reality is at this age, time is too precious to waste on foolish people. You know the ones I’m talking about–the ones that always only talk about themselves, that think they are the center of the world, that think they’re always right (or that you are always wrong), that are always argumentative, that are always demanding something of others that they don’t offer themselves.

I’m not going to be confrontational. I’m simply going to step away. Peace these days is more important than winning an argument or proving someone wrong, or even calling out foolishness. Honestly, there will have to be a strong urging on the part of the Holy Spirit for me to engage past the surface level of pleasantries before moving on.

2. Care What Other People Think

Okay, so confession time. I spent a lot of time in my past caring what other people thought of me. Perhaps it’s the middle child syndrome that captured me, but I used to cultivate a certain appearance because I thought it was what people expected of me. One of my most important characteristics was trying to meet others expectations, and it all had to do with what they might think about me otherwise.

Yeah, well now that I’m in my 60’s, I’m done with that. Why? Honestly? Because they’re NOT thinking about me! They’re too busy focused on their own lives and worried about their own problems to be worried about me. I suppose it took me all these years to figure that out.

Two passages of scripture come to mind: First is Proverbs 29:25–“It is dangerous to be concerned with what other people think of you, but if you trust in the Lord, you are safe.” And, the Apostle Paul warns the Galatian Christians, “For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

I only care what Christ thinks of me. Will he find me faithful? Oh! And, Vanessa. I care what she thinks of me. Everyone else? Eh!

3. Compare Myself to Others

This third “not-going-to-do” thing is closely related to the second one, but I do believe it stands on its own. I used to compare myself to other preachers. I used to compare my church to other churches. I used to measure my success by the success of others.

Dang! This is more confessional than I thought it would be when I started writing this list down.

Now that I’m in my 60’s, the race is about over. Life is not a competition that I need to win. Hey? If I haven’t won by now, I’m not likely to this late in the game. Of course, it all depends on how one defines winning.

There will always be someone who is better, richer, stronger, younger, better looking (well, maybe not!) than I am. But, I have no way of knowing what is going on in their lives. Their lives could all be a facade. Besides, some wise sage once said, “Comparison destroys contentment.” That sage was correct.

As I think about winning the race, I am reminded of what the writer to the Hebrews wrote to the Church: “let us run with endurance the race God has set before us” (Hebrews 12:1b). Life is not a race that we are in to win. Life is a race we are in simply to finish, and Christ calls us to run with patient endurance all the way to the end.

How do we do that? The writer to the Hebrews tells us that, too: “We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith” (Hebrews 12:2a). At this age, I just want to be more like Jesus. He’s the only one I’m going to compare myself to because the goal of every believer’s life is to be Christ-like. How do I measure up in that regard?

4. Chase Old Goals

This one is tricky, but let me try to explain it. It used to be that I was extremely goal-oriented, chasing the great job, the big church, moving up the corporate ladder (yes, the church has one of those). For the most part, I achieved all those goals.

The Lord, for some strange reason, chose to bless us beyond measure (He still does, too), and ministry was very good to us. I only hope the ministry He entrusted to me was fruitful, and that all the chasing of those goals was not at the expense of faithfulness.

Now that I’m 62, I can say, “Been there, done that!” And, though I found meaning in the moment, looking back over my life, they just don’t seem that important. What are my new goals? Faithfulness to Jesus and a legacy for my family. Everything I do will be oriented to one of those ends.

I don’t want to come to the end of the race only to hear my Savior say, “Depart from me, you who practice iniquity, for I never knew you” (Matt. 7:23). The longing of my heart is to enter His presence and hear “‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord’” (Matt. 25:23).

Yup! That should have been my goal all along. It’s a pity it took me getting to be an old man to figure it out. Praise God I did!

5. Ignore My Health

Man! This one has really hit home over the past year. I went 61 years of my life without medication other than the occasional antibiotic or over-the-counter cold medicine. Now, I’m making regular trips to the pharmacy to keep the medicine cabinet full.

I think most of the issues I’m dealing with are hereditary, but let’s just say I’ve not always been the healthiest guy in the world. Yes, back in 2008 – 2009, I went through a period of weight-loss and health improvement, but it was done with chasing those goals I mentioned earlier in mind. I wanted to look better and feel better so I would have a better chance of hitting those goals.

Now, the goal is to be healthy so I can live longer. I know! None of us are going to live forever, but I would like to at least outlive my dad (who died at 63!). There are still some health-related things I need to deal with, but one thing I have done is take off 25 of the pounds I put back on post-2009. Now, I’ve got a closet full of clothes that are too big! Do not take that as a complaint.

My goal is to have the energy to do the things Vanessa and I should be doing now that we’re at this age. A little travel and a lot of family takes a lot of energy. Healthy lives lend themselves to quality lives. I won’t be ignoring my health nor taking it for granted anymore.

Conclusion

So, there you have the five things I’m not going to do anymore. Perhaps I should have cast them in a more positive light and said “The Five Things I’ve Started Doing at My Age,” but I’m a glass half empty kind of guy (which I should probably stop being at this age), so what ya’ gonna’ do? There may be a few tricks old dogs really can’t learn.

I do, however, believe that I don’t have to suffer fools, nor do I have to care what other people think, nor compare myself to others, nor chase all the old goals I set in life. I also believe that I can no longer ignore my health if I want to have fruitful years ahead.

How about you? Are there any things you’re not doing now that you’re older? Or if you’re one of those “younger” folks still out there chasing dreams, is there anything on this list that struck a nerve? I’d love to hear back from any of you. Leave your comments below.

Until next time (whenever that might be), keep looking up…

Getting Old Ain’t for Sissies…(Lessons I’ve Learned by Getting Old)

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

It must be because I’ve been spending too much time in doctor’s offices, but I’m starting to feel old. I’m looking old, that’s for sure. All I have to do is walk by a mirror. The hair is getting grayer, the face a little more wrinkled. That much I can tell. Now, though, the looking and the feeling are catching up with each other.

Getting older has some advantages (though only a few). One advantage is grandchildren. Grandchildren are the cat’s meow, as they say. I’ve said before that if I had known grandchildren were this much fun, I would have skipped the children and gone straight for the grandchildren.

Another advantage is wisdom. Perhaps Job summed it up best when he said, “wisdom belongs to the aged, and understanding to the old” (Job 12:12 NLT), so there’s that! Solomon (the wisest man who ever lived) is credited with saying, “A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness” (Proverbs 16:31 NIV).

I’m willing to take Job and Solomon at their word. Sitting in doctor’s offices gives one lots of time to think. As I sat there awaiting my turn, I began to make a few mental notes of what I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older. I began to jot out a few of those lessons and I thought I’d might share those with you.

Lesson #1: I’m not Superman!

Did you ever believe that you needed to know everything? I used to believe that, and if I didn’t know something, I’d make something up just so I could provide an answer. I may not have always been right, but I was never in doubt!

I also believed I had to be in total control of my emotions, that I needed to make a ton of money, that I had to be naturally athletic, never get lost, never feel physical pain and that I had to know everything about cars and machinery. I don’t believe those things anymore.

I’m really not Superman, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Not only am I not able to, I no longer want to. I’m absolutely comfortable in my skin knowing what I know AND knowing what I don’t know. Actually, the older I’ve gotten, the more I know I don’t know, and the more I can admit I don’t know.

Lesson # 2: I’m not entitled to anything.

I really can’t say much about everyone else’s sense of entitlement, especially since it took me getting older to figure out I’m not entitled to anything.

I tried to figure out where this sense of entitlement comes from. It would be real easy to blame it on being an American citizen where our government (and by our government, I mean us) has developed numerous “entitlement” programs to keep us happy, but it could as easily come from being a consumer. More likely, though, it comes from simply being a man (a human) who is, in his unregenerate nature, selfish.

The older I’ve gotten, though, I’ve discovered that life…all of life…is sheer grace! Life is a gift and it is to be enjoyed as the gift that it is.

Our recent little house fire is an example. Oh, we are blessed, indeed! The fire could have been so much worse. We don’t know why it burned itself out, but it is grace that it did. Yes, there’s been consternation with clean-up companies and contractors, but even that is grace. Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me patience, and that is grace, too.

I’m not entitled to anything, and until I crucify that sense, it will be one of the greatest roadblocks to faithfulness to Jesus.

Lesson #3: Emotions are good things.

I grew up believing that it was okay to ask a man what he thinks, but never, ever ask a man what he feels. I don’t know that anyone specifically taught me that. I think it was just understood. Emotions were the domain of the fairer sex. Maybe it’s just the generation I am from.

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve come to understand and accept that the Lord gives us two ways to know him–our thoughts AND our emotions. We are emotional creatures. He made us that way. After all, we are created in His image, right?

Jesus was filled with emotion. He wept (John 11:35). He was angry (Matthew 21: 12 – 17). He was sorrowful (Matthew 26:38). He was compassionate (Mark 6:38). I could go on, but you get the picture.

I could make a similar list for God, the Father. He demonstrates grief (Genesis 6:6). He expressed anger (Deut. 9:22). He is compassionate (Judges 2:18). Again, you get the picture.

Admittedly, our emotions are subject to the sin within us, so we can’t depend upon them as an arbiter of salvation, but it is healthy to express our emotions rather than keeping them buttoned down. We men don’t have to be James Bond–always in control…of our emotions and everything else.

Lesson #4: I can’t do life alone.

Remember what God said in Genesis 2:18? Sure, you do–“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’.” We are created for community. We are, by nature, social animals. We need each other.

I’ll confess that I need Vanessa. I can’t imagine doing life without her. Heck, we practically raised one another (well, she raised me more than I raised her, but that’s another story). We married at age 18, and this October, we will celebrate 44 years together. We need each other!

As a man, though, I also need men in my life. God created men and women differently (Praise God!), and there are issues that men grapple with that women simply don’t understand, and there are issues women grapple with that men will never get. Yes, Vanessa is my best friend, but I need other (male) friends to share this journey of life with.

As a good Wesleyan, we need to practice accountability, and having male (or female) friends gives us an opportunity to do just that. Yes, we also need our time away from the crowds, but even when Jesus went away, he often took Peter, James and John with him.

I can’t do life alone!

Lesson #5: Power can be a positive thing.

This one might be a little touchy given the current climate toward masculinity, but sometimes I just need to “man-up.” Sometimes, my wife and my children (and grandchildren) need me to be a “knight in shining armor.” There is a reason we liked to play cops and robbers when we were kids. It was a natural reflection of and development for our masculinity. Masculinity is also the reason most little boys want to grow up to be firemen and astronauts. Yes, women can be those things, too, but I don’t know very many little girls who dream of being cops or firemen. That only comes as they get closer to adulthood.

Power used appropriately can be a very positive thing. I’m thinking of Ronald Reagan and his famous speech at the Berlin Wall: “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” It was an exercise of power designed to make the world a better place. That is an appropriate use of authority/power.

Anytime I can use my power/authority to make life better for my family, my community, my church or others, then it is very positive, indeed. I shouldn’t be afraid of my masculinity in the service of others. It was Jesus who said, “All authority on heaven and earth has been given to me. Go therefore, and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:18). It was authority used appropriately. I need to be like Jesus.

Lesson #6: “No” is a complete sentence.

I heard someone say once that “No” is a complete sentence. It took me getting older to understand how correct they were. I spent so much of my ministry years trying to be everything to everybody that I ended up making commitments that I neither could or wanted to keep. I made myself miserable by never turning anyone down.

Honestly, it was utter irresponsibility on my part. It wasn’t fair to those to whom I made commitments. It certainly wasn’t fair to my family, and it was killing me. I know it was the people-pleaser in me at work, and the devil would use it as a way to distract me from the more important elements of spiritual discipline.

In more recent years, I’ve said, “No,” to a lot of good things, but we have to say no to the good things so that we can say yes to the best things…or the more important things…or the more meaningful things.

And besides, as someone else said, “No for now is not no forever.” There may be a time when you can willingly fulfill a commitment that you can’t abide right now. You never know what door the Lord will open later on.

Lesson #7: I’m a lot braver than I give myself credit for.

Men are supposed to be courageous. Though I wanted to be Batman or Superman, I think I spent more of my life as Barney Fife.

May I say, though, that just the fact that I’m older is a testament to the fact that I’m braver than I ever gave myself credit for? Seriously, life is hard and to have made it this far proves that just living takes courage. I survived a car accident that, by mere inches, could have ended my life.

Hey, I survived raising children! That’s not for sissies either. They’re all productive, contributing members of society. I haven’t always been able to say that. Now I can say that, and I say it with humility and gratitude. Nope, I didn’t do it alone, and that’s another indication of courage. Vanessa and I have survived over 43 years of marriage.

Surviving life takes courage. That’s a reality. Just knowing that I can write this and you can read it is a testimony to the fact that we’re brave enough to get up every day and do life. The bravest thing a person can do is admit his limitations (mine are abundant). That’s why I’ve learned to trust Jesus for my salvation. He is the greatest source of our strength.

Conclusion

No, growing old isn’t for sissies. I have learned in all this that getting older isn’t about growing weaker, or more confused, or more limited. Growing older is about growing up and learning to understand what it means to be made in the image of God. That’s a lesson I’m still learning.

What about you? What lessons are you learning? Share them in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time, keep looking up…

Merry Christmas, Y’all…

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

It is really hard for me to believe that another Christmas Day is only three days away. Where does the time go? I know what the “old folks” meant when I used to hear them say, “Time sure does go by fast!” I know what they meant because I’m the “old folks” now.

Of course, I went to the heart doctor (yes, I said “heart doctor”) this week and during the examination he called me young and healthy. It made me feel good, but I thought to myself, “If I’m so young and healthy, why am I in YOUR office?”

Old Folks

I know I’m the “old folks” now because I’m more of a curmudgeon than I’ve ever been. Oh, I’ve always had a bit of curmudgeon in me, but my desire to be more Christ-like has often kept a little bit of a damper on it. The “older” I get, the more I realize that Lord still has a lot of work to do on the curmudgeon aspect of my personality. No, I’m not proud of that fact, but one of the ways the Lord can sanctify it is for me to put it out there in confession, so…

I also know I’m the “old folks” now because this body of mine doesn’t act like it used to act. My metabolism is slower, my muscle mass is shifting, my hair is more gray than brown, and I’ve got wrinkles in places I’ve never had wrinkles before. On top of all that, now I’ve got to deal with high blood pressure. I’ve never had blood pressure problems in my life! Then, the Lord gently reminds me–“Lynn, you’ve never been this old before.”

Talk about frustrating! And to add to the frustration this aging thing has put me in direct conflict with “Big Pharma!” I used to hear everyone complain about the high cost of medications. Now, I have personal experience that casts it in a whole new light. I’m learning that at this age I really can’t afford to be sick. I’m also learning that I can’t afford to get healthy, either.

I’m telling you…this whole “health” thing is nothing but a scam between big Pharma, insurance companies and the government. Those three just keep passing bucks (my bucks!) between their hands until its all gone, and then they come back for more. (Yeah. I know–curmudgeon, right?)

Grateful for Getting Older

Anyway, I really don’t mean to go all curmudgeon on you this holiday season. I am eternally grateful as I reflect on the circumstances of the past couple of weeks. I’m grateful that I’m alive. As the old saying goes, “I’m up and taking nourishment. It’s a good day.” I’m having a really good day!

I’m also grateful for doctors and nurses and other health-care workers who are compassionate and patient with curmudgeons like me. I’m grateful for their knowledge and wisdom, and their willingness to use it to heal. It is a gift they possess, and I’ll receive that gift as best I can, well, because I want to get older!

Getting older. That really is my goal. Well, kinda’ sorta’, anyway. Yes, I want to get older. I want to outlive my dad. My dad died when he was 63. I’m 61 now. Unfortunately, men in my family (on either side) don’t have long histories. A grandfather and a couple of uncles lived to age 72 (and I had 8 uncles). The rest all died before age 70. I get a little more health conscious with every day that passes.

Of course, I tell my children that I intend to live to 100, if for no other reason than to be a burden to them. We’ll see if that really comes to pass.

My Goal in Getting Older

My real goal in getting older is to grow in Christ-likeness…to grow in holiness. Honestly, I thought the older I got, the easier it would be. I’m discovering, though, the older I get and the more I desire to surrender, the more the Devil gets in my business and does all he can to slow the growth.

Isn’t it supposed to get easier the older we get? I thought the longer we walked with the Lord, the closer we became. Oh, yeah. I hear His voice in ways I’ve never heard before. Yes, I feel His presence in ways that bring strength and comfort like I’ve never experienced, but meeting that standard of holiness–well, that’s just another thing altogether. As desperately as I want to attain it, I find myself falling so far short.

It’s frustrating! It is as frustrating spiritually as this “old” body giving way physically. I don’t have any choice at this point but to rely on grace–His grace. The older I get, the more I need His grace to get me through. If I haven’t learned anything else, I’ve learned that.

The older I get, the more my life becomes a cycle of confession and repentance. Of course, the wonderful part of that equation is the experience of His forgiveness. He gently reminds me that His judgment and His mercy met on the cross of Calvary, and that mercy won. So, He shows me His mercy, and the older I get the more He shows me how much mercy I need. Thank you, Lord, for your mercy!

Wow! Some Merry Christmas message this turned out to be! Let me try again…

My prayer for each of you is that you will experience the peace, love and mercy of Jesus Christ this Christmas season…that He will abide with each of you as you grow in His grace, and that you will experience the joy of His mercy everyday in the coming new year…that as you grow older, you might also grow in holiness and in His likeness. May He be born in each of us in new and living ways this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas, y’all!

Until next time, keep looking up…

No Longer a Fan…

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

I know. I’m old! I’m not sure how I got so old so fast, but here I am and there’s nothing I can do about it. One of the things that’s happened to me as I’ve gotten older is that my likes and dislikes have changed.

Example: I used to love football…and the New Orleans Saints in particular. Yes, La. Tech and LSU were close seconds, but man, those Saints. Even back in the day I would wear the paper bag and yet it didn’t deter me from my love for the black and gold. I lived in constant expectation of “next year.”

Back in the day, Vanessa would leave me home alone on Sunday afternoon if the Saints were playing. She didn’t want to listen to me whoop, holler and shout. I’d whoop, holler and shout if things went well and I’d moan, whine and complain when things didn’t go well (if you’re a Saints fan, you know that was most of the time). It really could be a spectacle at times.

Then, Facebook came along. I soon discovered that Facebook was the new way to watch football with friends. I’d share my comments about the game in real-time and friends would respond and it added to the fun of football, both professional and college.

Now, I really couldn’t care less. It’s just not fun anymore. My love for professional football in general and the Saints in particular really begin its decline after 2020 with BLM and Covid. Sports (not just football) became too political (which is really strange since I’m kind of a political junkie).

I suppose sports was one of the few places a person could go to get away from all the politics, where Democrats, Republicans and Independents could share the joys (or travails) of their favorite team for three hours on a Sunday afternoon. For three hours on a Sunday afternoon, we were united. Yeah, well that changed, and I think it changed me a little, too.

But, it’s probably just because I’m old now. I used to laugh at the old men who sat around the gas stove at Malone’s Hardware complaining about the state of the world. I no longer laugh now because I’ve become one of those old men and I now know why they complained so much and spoke as they did.

I am them and I think it has affected my love for football. Of course, it could be that sports have changed so dramatically in recent years, too. I’d prefer to say it’s that, but I suspect it’s really just that I’m old.

How has it changed? Well, for starters, there’s the money thing. I mean, really, a fan can’t afford to go to a professional game anymore (yeah, people do, but can they really afford it?). I wanted to take my sons, son-in-law and grandsons to see the Saints and the Cowboys. It was going to cost me over $1,000, and that was for standing room only and DID NOT include parking or food! We didn’t go!

Full disclosure: I did purchase four tickets (and no, I didn’t spend $1,000), but as the day approached I just didn’t feel like driving to Dallas, standing through a three hour game and then driving back home. That’s because I’m old! My two oldest grandsons utilized the tickets, so it wasn’t a total loss.

It’s the same with college sports, too. I suppose it really changed for me when NIL became a thing. Now, for the players, it’s all about the Benjamins. I don’t blame them. Get it while you can, I guess, but there’s no loyalty anymore. You never know who is going to be on the team anymore. The teams with the richest alumni can stock their teams with the finest players and claim the championships. These days there are 25 year-olds who have “eligibility” playing college football. Go figure!

I guess I’m just old and I don’t really care anymore. Seriously, I didn’t even watch all of the LSU game last night. I’d rather go to sleep. Besides, I’ve discovered (because things have changed) that I can watch a three hour game in 20 minutes on YouTube the next day. No big deal last night, though. LSU got spanked. You know what that means? It means I didn’t stay up late for nothing and I didn’t go to sleep frustrated, so there’s that.

Yeah, I still watch football, but only when I don’t have anything else I’d rather be doing (like sleeping). Yes, I’ll occasionally comment something on Facebook but I do so only to see if I can wrinkle a few feathers of fan friends. The reality is, though, if I never watched another game, I’d probably be okay with it.

The games I want to see these days? The ones my grandchildren are playing in, and only because my grandchildren are playing in them. I LOVE to see my grandchildren do anything. Because I’m old, I now know why they call them GRANDchildren. Everything about them is grand. I’ve told my children that if I had known grandchildren were this much fun, I would have skipped them and went straight to the grandchildren. You know what? You have to be old to realize that.

So, I’m grateful for getting old even if I don’t like some of the changes that happen when we get old. When I was young, we were told in ministry that we needed to keep working on our “growing edges.” Well, now that I’m older, I have to keep working on those “growing edges.” Those growing edges are just different now.

Let’s face it. The Lord still has a lot of work to do on me and in me, it’s just in different places these days. Will He ever be finished? One day, perhaps He will. After all, I’m a Wesleyan and I believe in the process of sanctification. It is a life-long endeavor. But, you have to get old to realize that.

Thank God for getting old!

Until next time, keep looking up…