Month: July 2025

Am I Doing it All Wrong?

/ pastorlynnmalone / 2 Comments

I haven’t written for a couple of weeks. I’ve either been busy or lazy (or a bit of both), so the words getting on the page have been slow to come. The respite from writing has given me time to think, though, and that can be a dangerous thing.

What have I been thinking about? I’ve been thinking about my role as a “pastor.” Actually, not my particular role as pastor, but the “pastor” model of the church of church leadership.

I was a “pastor” vocationally for 28 years. I’ve been a “pastor” bi-vocationally off and on since 2019. That gives me a total of 34 years experience, so maybe I have some insight into the role. Then again, maybe not.

Let me preface this blog with the statement that I think most pastors do a fantastic job and fill their role with integrity, character, diligence and faithfulness. The question I’m about to posit isn’t a reflection on anyone’s service in ministry, nor is it a reflection on God’s calling on anyone’s life. After all, ministry has been my calling since the age of 27 (perhaps longer, but I was deaf to the call), so the question has shaken me to my core.

Pastor vs. Pastor-Model

What is it that has shaken me to my core? Drum roll, please! Is the “pastor” model of leadership as we know it even a biblical concept?

What has prompted the question in this season of my life? Well, I “pastor” a small local church. They call me pastor and I call myself their pastor, but what I really am is their Sunday preacher. I don’t mind being their Sunday preacher. They need a Sunday preacher and I like to preach, so it seems to be a good fit. The folks are wonderful, faithful people who love Jesus, and I’m blessed to be their Sunday preacher, but, they need a pastor, too (or someone who fills the role that is traditionally called the “pastor”)

Perhaps they don’t need a “pastor” as traditionally defined. What they need is leadership. And, here might be a good place to clarify that I’m not really talking about the “pastor,” but more the “pastor model” that the Church has developed through the years. Yes, the “pastor” is a biblical calling:

11 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the PASTORS (emphasis mine) and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-12 NLT)

As certain as I am that “pastor” is biblical, I’m not equally certain that the “pastor model” of church leadership is biblical. The Apostle Paul, in writing to the Ephesians, certainly seems to indicate that there is some sort of plurality of leadership in the body of Christ (the local church), not one person who is the “pastor,” or the “senior pastor,” or the “founding pastor” who makes all the decisions in the church, or does most of the leadership work in the congregation.

Actually, Paul makes the case that the local church is to be led by “overseers” and “deacons” who would shepherd (pastor?) the church:

3 Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task…, and

8 In the same way, deacons are to be worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain…

(1 Timothy 3: 1, 8 NIV)

Likewise, in Titus 1, Paul instructed Titus to appoint “elders” who would serve as “overseers” of the local congregation:

5 The reason I left you in Crete was that you might put in order what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you. 6 An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7 Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. (Titus 1:5-7 NIV)

I think the Bible is relatively clear that there is to be a plurality of leadership in the local congregation, with each one fulfilling the gifts given to the Church by Christ Himself. It is Jesus Christ who is the head of the Church/church. The plurality of leaders sit under His headship/Lordship. He is the One to whom we look for guidance. He is the One whom we follow.

Priesthood of All Believers

I also don’t see any biblical evidence for the distinction between clergy and laity in that plurality of leadership. Actually, I don’t see any distinction between clergy and laity at all. Sure, there were priests in the Old Testament, but I distinctly recall the passage in Matthew’s Gospel when Jesus breathed his last breath on the cross and “the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom” (Matthew 27: 51 NIV). Since the death of Jesus, anyone (I repeat-anyone!) could enter the holiest of places. The separation no longer exists.

Likewise, the Apostle Peter affirms that fact:

4 As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— 5 you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 2: 4-5 NIV)

This would be an excellent place to talk about men and women in leadership, and qualifications for elders, overseers and deacons, but I’m not perplexed by those questions, so I won’t chase those rabbits. I’m perplexed by the whole “pastor model” of church leadership, and I just wonder (as one who tries to live biblically) if I’ve been doing it wrong all these years?

I may not have been doing it wrong, but I certainly don’t believe I’ve been doing it biblically. I’ve been doing it the way I’ve been trained to do it, so it’s not necessarily the “wrong” way, it’s just not the biblical way. There’s nothing sinful about the way the pastor model has been/is being done, it’s just got me wondering if the pastor model has run its course and it’s time to get back to doing it the biblical way.

Perhaps all I’m doing is trying to justify my own inability to lead the congregation in a healthy, effective way these days. That, or the Lord is prompting me to dig more deeply into His calling upon my life and how He wants me to live that out. I pray it’s the latter. I fear it’s the former.

I suppose time will tell, but today is Sunday, and the folks need a Sunday preacher. So, until the Lord (or the congregation) tells me different, I’ll go be a Sunday preacher. That’s all I know to do right now. If you’ve got any clarity for me, please leave a comment below. I’d love to hear it.

Until next time, keep looking up…

Reflections, Course-Corrections and Deep Gratitude…

/ pastorlynnmalone / Leave a comment

It is early Sunday morning. I love the early morning hours. They are the best time for me to pray, reflect, read and give thanks. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I don’t. Trust me. Coffee is better at 4:00 a.m., than at 8:00 a.m.

This morning is different than most mornings. It is different, first, because I’m breathing different air than usual. Vanessa and I were able to slip away to Hot Springs, AR for a little R & R over the holiday weekend.

I’m drinking coffee in a rented house. I tell you, this Vrbo thing is nice. You can actually rent someone’s home when you’re on vacation! As nice as it is, I’m not sure I could rent my home to perfect strangers. Seriously, someone you don’t know poking around in your personal space? A bit frightening to me, but here I am doing it in someone else’s home. Go figure?

As I reflect this Sunday morning, I am reflecting again on how fleeting life is. Even these moments of reflection seem to be fleeting, too.

It is different, secondly, because I am holding a tension between sorrow and joy this morning. Not that there isn’t always some sorrow and some joy resident in our lives, but this morning the contrast is particularly striking.

The Paradox of Life and Death

The news is filled with reports from the hill country of Texas and the flash flooding from the Guadalupe River. The sudden loss of life. The tragedy of families searching for loved ones. The tales of heroism. The heart-break to hear of little girls missing in the midst of it all. My heart is broken for those little girls and their families, and also for the Camp Mystic staff who was responsible for their safety. These past two mornings have beef filled with prayer for all of them. Those prayers continue this morning.

In the midst of the deep sorrow, I am also experiencing deep joy at having a few hours to connect (re-connect) with our daughters. Kelsey and her husband, Matt, spent a couple of nights with us here in Hot Springs, and Brittney and our grandson, Lincoln spent yesterday and last night with us. They are our little girls, and I am grateful (eternally so) that we’ve not experienced the horror of losing one of them. While my heart sinks at what I sense those families in Texas are experiencing, I give thanks to the good Lord for our children and the blessings He has poured out on our family.

The devil wants to make me feel guilty for being so grateful, but I refuse to succumb to his tactics. We hold life and death in tension constantly, and this morning is no different. As the Book of Common Prayer (and the Methodist funeral liturgy) reminds us:

In the midst of life, we are in death; From whom can we seek our help?

The answer, of course, is that we find our help in the name of the Lord. As challenging as it sometimes is to do, I hold the tension between life and death by grace and with gratitude, trusting that the Lord will give us strength to face whatever life brings our way.

Missing Annual Conference

I’m also reflecting this morning on Annual Conference. Yeah, I know right? But I must be missing Annual Conference. I’ve had two dreams this week that I was Annual Conference. It’s probably because my Facebook newsfeed has been filled with former colleagues who were attending Annual Conference, and who have been sharing their “new appointments” on their Facebook pages. That reality has brought both good and bad memories. Again, with the paradox (irony?) that is life.

I must say that I haven’t missed Annual Conference very much since I surrendered my credentials in the United Methodist Church. I’ll admit that first June in 2020 was different, but it would have been different anyway because of a little thing called Covid. Beginning in 2021, though, I connected with the Evangelical Methodist Church, and have attended their iteration of Annual Conference since then…until this year.

Due to circumstances beyond my control (that whole life and death thing again), I was unable to attend this year’s “Journey” session. I missed Annual Conference, literally. I suppose, through my subconscious, I’m missing it figuratively, too.

What do I miss? I miss the collegiality. I miss the friendships. I miss the fellowship. I miss the laughter over meals shared. I miss the worship. I miss the singing. I miss the work of Annual Conference. I miss the slipping away to the book store (or to the mall, or the coffee shop, or the golf course, or wherever) when there was a boring report session. Yes, there is much I miss about Annual Conference. The quiet mornings of this weekend have been moments of reflection on that loss.

The quiet mornings of this weekend have also brought me joy as I’ve reflected on the goodness of God since I left the United Methodist Church in 2019. It was a pain-staking decision to surrender my credentials that year, but let’s just say there are many actions the denomination has taken since that time that have affirmed our decision.

There were other options open to me in 2019, one of which was the path of “retirement.” Honestly, if I’m asked by someone now about my situation, and I don’t want to get involved in a whole conversation, I will simply say, “I retired.” It’s easier than having to go through a long explanation about “surrendering orders,” and all that.

Choosing to Quit

Yup! I quit! Call me a quitter if you want, but the reality is I didn’t quit ministry. I simply quit the United Methodist Church. (If we’re being honest, the UMC left me long before I left it.) I had no idea if it was the right decision then, but time has proven that it was a course-correction in my faith journey, and for that course-correction, I give thanks.

Had I chosen to “retire” in the UMC, I would now be limited by the same Annual Conference (that I loved so dearly) as to where I could preach the Gospel, or even attend as a worshipper. If a family member passed away, and that person’s funeral was in a congregation that disaffiliated from the UMC, I couldn’t (with integrity) participate in their funeral without fear of punishment (financially held hostage would be a better characterization). I’m not always sure what Jesus would do, but in that case, I’m pretty sure.

Yeah, I know…sour grapes and all that. I shouldn’t be chewing gum that I’ve chewed before, but the reflections of this weekend have been a reminder of the tensions in life. I’ve been both filled with sorrow and filled with joy…filled with grief and filled with anticipation…filled with heartache and filled with gratitude. In the midst of it all, there is grace–God’s grace. It is only by His grace that the tension is bearable.

So, I’m just going to hold on to Him. Won’t you join me?

Until next time, keep looking up…